Chasing Yarn..

Can you see it? A kitten - small, fuzzy, and the size of my hand - spotting the yarn as I knit away. It sees, it jumps, it attempts to conquer. Unfortunately, what started out as a high tail adventure to prevail turns out to be a never-ending parade of yarn...chasing and pulling at that stupid ball of yarn for hours.

Unlike cats, I eventually give up.

Some men are like yarn. You chase the little string all over town, trying to catch it...and right when you think you got it - BAM - it's gone. Back to square one. Back to the beginning. Back to the wondering.

I am learning, like most girls do, that that one guy - the one you like, the one you want to make plans with - is always the guy that drags you along.

A text here.
A Facebook comment there.
A text there.
A Facebook 'like' here.

And you always rationalize (the girl complex) why he isn't text you. Of why he texts you..but never seems to get to the point of 'want to hang out'. I've even gotten the whole "what are you doing this weekend" that ends with "yeah, just hanging out at home by myself". How am I suppose to respond to that?!? Beg to hang out - I don't think so.

Actually...I did beg to hang out. I stooped that low...and I thought that I caught the yarn! But the next day - BAM - gone and back to square one.

I saw the signs. If I am honest with myself, I know that he wasn't really into me - heck, I even pull off some of the same moves he did to me to guys that I don't like who are into me. The days between replying to texts, the blow off, the never getting to the point of getting together, the round-about conversation, the 'excuses', the whole shabang. Yet, when I saw it being done with me, I excused it. I wanted it to be different. Even my brother stepping in and told me to back off, to run, to BOLT!

Then on the other hand, there are those guys that take the initiative and step up to the plate. Call, make reservations, pick you up, pay, and make plans for another date. Yet, at the end of the night I tell my friends 'he's nice'. I don't have the butterflies, the sparks, the 'feeling'. That unknown, indescribable feeling of 'I want to see him again'.

So where does that leave me? Alone - still secretly waiting for that guy I want to step up to the plate. The guy who I know I just need too run away from. And then the guys that I 'just want to be friends' with constantly texting me and trying to make plans while I duck, dodge, and dive away...like I have had done to me.

I'm guessing that's when you know it's right, when you meet a guy who is as into you as you are into him. But I think I will have to kiss a few more frogs, and kick a few more dogs, before I get there. Probably hit my head against a wall a few more times for my thick headedness too. ;)

The Art of Texting

I am a mere twenty, and so the main way to communicate is texting. Texting friends and family is fine, but texting boys is ridiculous. Waiting for a response, dissecting every word and punctuation. Timing how long it takes for him to text you, timing how long you take to text back.

Then trying to make plans is absolutely absurd...
"So do you want to get together still" - 9:50
"Yeah, I would love to!" - 9:52
"Okay, I just need to finish (add whatever excuse you want)"  9:55
"Okay, how long will that take?" - 10:00
"Not long, done!" - 10:35
"Wow...way to keep me hanging." - 10:37
"You still wanna get together?" - 10:45
"Sure. What do you want to do?" - 10:47
"I don't know. I am down for anything..." - 11:00

And then by the time you make plans it is 11:30, 12:00 when you finally get together, and you just killed two hours texting when you could have called, talked on the phone, and have made plans in 5 minutes.

I have not mastered the art of texting. Trying to flirt over texting just gets guys frustrated (I think they take me too seriously) and the art of men being able to always text in three words or less drives me crazy!

If his response is "Ya" does that mean he is straight forward? That he doesn't want to talk to me? That he is busy? That he doesn't usually text? That I am a female that over thinks every word? Most definitely!

So, men - pick up the phone, call, and just make the plans. Oh, and personal advice for all you men - if you say your are going to call the next day, you better freakin' call. Otherwise she has every right to turn you down...

The Single Travelling Girl...

I'm sitting in my room thinking about 'if I could be anywhere but here, where would I be?'

I love travelling. After being in Europe for a year, I got what people call the 'travel bug,' and it is an expensive bug to have. This past summer I went to Guatemala. And this Christmas I hope to hit up Cancun for Christmas.

Being single definitely has it's perks, and being able to travel where ever, when ever is most definitely one of them. Well, I will go back to dreaming about the beach, the sun, and tanning....

My To Do List...

So I guess I have established that boys are distractions, and kind of a waste of efforts. So what does that mean for the single gal? It means that instead of focusing on boys, which I can spend a lot of time and energy doing, I get to focus on myself. I get to put all my time, efforts, money, and thoughts on making myself the best single gal that I can be. So I ask myself this question: what do I want to do? Now, in the near future, and in the far future. What do I want from life; what do I want to accomplish. Well..this is a big question, and therefore a complicated answer.

First, I have to start by stating that I have lost forty pounds. Yes - four, zero. No small task if I may say so, and quite a great first step on this journey of being the best me possible. I have twenty more pounds to go, and am discovering for the first time in years (and I literally mean like 7 or 8 years) what it means to love myself, and to truly enjoy shopping, which is making quite a dent in my bank account statements. So for now, I want to lose the rest of my weight, and focus on acing school. I am entering my second year of nursing, and my first year went pretty well. I just need to keep focusing on the good in life. I also started a part time job at my University that I am loving.

So, since starting my weight loss I have made a fairly big and seemingly insurmountable decision: attempt to get into Med School. Yes, Medicine! It seems kind of impossible, but what is life if we don't dream big. So here I am, dreaming big and deciding to try it anyways. I may utterly fail, but at least I can say that I tried.

And in the far future? Well for now I say travel. I am a traveller! I went to Europe for a year, I have been to Africa, Mexico, Guatemala, Germany, France, Italy, Greece, Ireland, Spain and of course the United States of America. I love to travel, and I don't just mean enjoy it, but I feel the need to travel at least once a year. This year? Cancun over Christmas with the girls! As a single gal, I have no commitment to anyone else. Ah, the joys :) But long term I would love to move to Europe for an extended period of time. I want to live in Paris for a year; I might want to start learning french...

Eventually I would like to get married and have children. That would be the ultimate achievement. But I don't want to kiss a never ending amount of frogs. I want to be found. I don't want to pursue, I want to be pursued. And so I shall live my life, and wait for a man (not boy) to come into my life and show me that he makes my life better. In the meantime? I will learn to love myself.

He's Just NOT That Into You

We all know it. Deep down - I mean how many times have you heard it. Justin Long said it best: "if a guy treats you like he doesn't give a shit, it's because he doesn't give a shit." Why do we rationalize and dissect everything a guy does and says until we've come up with a reason of why he's a jerk. Maybe a guy is a jerk because he is actually a jerk. No other reason. Red flag - run fast. Don't try to explain, or rationalize his mean behaviour, just walk away.

Yet, we have an image of being this girl that 'changes' a guy, makes him a better person. My question is why would you want to put yourself through that? All the heart ache and pain just to attempt to make him 'better?' Why don't we want an already good guy. A guy that calls when he says he will, makes plans and follows through, texts me because he wants to see how I'm doing. No games, no questioning whether he will show up. A reliable guy. Okay..he may be reliable, but also boring.

So here is the dilemma - I want a nice, good guy that isn't too nice. Tough balance to find. I guess the answer to this solution would be to stay single. Live the single gal life and flirt with guys when I'm in the mood. I want to, again, pull off the guy complex. Instead of having someone dangle me along, I want to dangle a guy along. Make him want me, maybe even wait for me, then ditch him. I want to make a guy sit at home on a Friday night waiting for me, instead of the other way around. Make a guy persue me, instead of throwing myself at guys.

I'm not sure I am actually capable of doing that, but a single gal can dream, can't she?

Distractions (Boys)

You know when a friend gets into a relationship...then falls off the face of the planet, and you're sitting at home thinking 'why does this always seems to happen?' I believe it is a girl complex that we get slightly obsessed with boys.

After losing forty pounds, I am experiencing for the first time some male attention. Now, as a single gal and loving it, boys do not mix well into the equation. But I do love the attention and flirting, so I can get slightly distracted. Then all of a sudden I have spent an entire weekend at home waiting or hoping that a guy I am talking to will want to hang out. The girl complex takes over, and I become obsessed about the slightest chance to hang out with a boy. I waste an entire weekend of my life for nothing.

What do boys do? They do whatever they want, and hang out with a girl if they happen to have time. While a girl sits around waiting, boys live. I've decided that from now on I need to adopt the boy complex - do what I want, and if things happen to work out - that's great, otherwise who cares.

I am single. I am happy. No boy should ever distract me from living my life to the fullest. There are always more fish in the sea, and if one boy doesn't follow through, there is always another. And as a single gal, I can wait!

So here is to the boy complex. This week I have something going on every night and I have no time for any distractions. But my weekend is free...so maybe I have sometime for a fun distraction then. Guess I will just have to see if any distraction (boy) steps up to the plate...